"Reflect on your present blessings of which every man has many, not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some." ~ Charles Dickens

Merry Christmas. God has richly blessed us, and I pray for His love to fill you as you continue to seek His face. Thank you, Jesus, for Your life, death, and resurrection. Come, Lord Jesus, into our lives. May Your Kingdom be established on earth, and in all things Your will be done.

IN THE BLEAK MIDWINTER

by: Christina Rossetti (1872)

In the bleak mid-winter
Frosty wind made moan,
Earth stood hard as iron,
Water like a stone;
Snow had fallen, snow on snow,
Snow on snow,
In the bleak mid-winter
Long ago.

Our God, Heaven cannot hold Him
Nor earth sustain;
Heaven and earth shall flee away
When He comes to reign:
In the bleak mid-winter
A stable-place sufficed
The Lord God Almighty,
Jesus Christ.

Enough for Him, whom cherubim
Worship night and day,
A breastful of milk
And a mangerful of hay;
Enough for Him, whom angels
Fall down before,
The ox and ass and camel
Which adore.

Angels and archangels
May have gathered there,
Cherubim and seraphim
Thronged the air,
But only His mother
In her maiden bliss,
Worshipped the Beloved
With a kiss.

What can I give Him,
Poor as I am?
If I were a shepherd
I would bring a lamb,
If I were a wise man
I would do my part,
Yet what I can I give Him,
Give my heart.

A BETTER RESURRECTION

by: Christina Rossetti (1830-1894)

HAVE no wit, no words, no tears;

My heart within me like a stone

Is numb'd too much for hopes or fears;

Look right, look left, I dwell alone;

I lift mine eyes, but dimm'd with grief

No everlasting hills I see;

My life is in the falling leaf:

O Jesus, quicken me.




My life is like a faded leaf,

My harvest dwindled to a husk:

Truly my life is void and brief

And tedious in the barren dusk;

My life is like a frozen thing,

No bud nor greenness can I see:

Yet rise it shall--the sap of Spring;

O Jesus, rise in me.




My life is like a broken bowl,

A broken bowl that cannot hold

One drop of water for my soul

Or cordial in the searching cold;

Cast in the fire the perish'd thing;

Melt and remould it, till it be

A royal cup for Him, my King:

O Jesus, drink of me.

“That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?

“And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?

“So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.

“So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.

~Matthew 6:25-34

There is a funny little bird that comes around outside my bedroom window. I frequently see him, digging in the dirt, stamping around and pecking at the ground, throwing up the soil and doing funny little birdy things. I enjoy watching him, because he seems to know exactly what he is doing, and is completely unconcerned about what is happening around him. The resident scrub jay chases him off on a regular basis (because, after all, the jay owns the yard), but he only stays gone for a little while, and usually comes back within the hour. I see him at all times of day, in all kinds of weather (he particularly likes the rain). Sometimes he brings a friend with him, but most of the time he is all by himself, digging and stamping and being funny.

I am pretty sure that he does not pray, but his actions of being his little birdy self are like prayer to me. When I watch him, I am certain of the things I cannot see; I am certain that I know his Creator. I'm not much of a worrier. That's not to say that I never worry, I just don't worry a lot. But this little bird doesn't worry at all -- he just does his thing. He is beautiful and plump, with everything he needs because the Father sees to his needs.

I want my daily actions to be prayers to other people. I want to be beautiful because the Father clothes me. As a daughter of the King, my needs are beautifully and bountifully met. I must remember.

Solitude

Before daybreak the next morning, Jesus got up and went out to an isolated place to pray. Later Simon and the others went out to find him. When they found him, they said, “Everyone is looking for you.”

But Jesus replied, “We must go on to other towns as well, and I will preach to them, too. That is why I came.” So he traveled throughout the region of Galilee, preaching in the synagogues and casting out demons.

Solitude -- what a treasure. I frequently seek solitude, and as a wife and mother of three I struggle to obtain it. If I get up early, I am questioned, and joined. If I stay up late, I am questioned, and joined. Solitude and isolation makes others uncomfortable.

“Everyone is looking for you.”

It irritates me when I hear that, as if I am not where I am supposed to be. In my world, someone is frequently looking for me I never seem to be in the place where I am being sought. The one place that I know I should be, that I am safe, is before the Father, in solitude. Everything else is a toss-up.

And yet solitude is encumbered. It is not understood -- it is considered weird and unhealthy. In the church assembly, we are frequently reminded that we live in community. And we do live in community, but even in community we need some time alone. Sometimes solitude is what is most needed. Yet when we seek it we are ridiculed, because it is somehow threatening. I think it is most threatening to the enemy, because he knows what we will find there.

I have seen the Father in the sanctuary, but I have walked with Him and heard His voice in solitude. I have gazed upon Him in the worship assembly, but I have touched and talked with, and been held by Him in private. He knows me best in solitude, because that is where I am safest. I know Him best when I seek Him in solitude, because that is where I am safest.

The Advent of Advent

Advent has crept up on me. I knew it was coming; I prepared myself somewhat, collecting candles and devotionals. I purchased an Advent calendar for my children, and I have spoken about it with my oldest daughter, to give her a basic understanding of what Advent is about.

And still, I find myself unprepared. Perhaps it is the desert through which I have wandered that has dulled my sight, making me not trust the visions before me, as if the coming of Advent has been a mirage. And yet here we are, in the first week of Advent, and I wonder how it came upon me.

Advent is not usually observed in my faith tradition, and most of my friends look at me blankly when I speak of it. I have found in my own journey, however, that observing the Christian calendar grounds me, and gives me a wider perspective; it is as if somehow my peripheral vision is clearer when I can live for a faith-purpose, rather than just stumbling blindly through daily existence. So the coming of Advent is for me the beginning of a new year -- a renewal of waiting for that for which I long the most. It is a reminder of who I am, and to Whom I belong. Tonight, as I lit my first Advent candle a day late, I nearly wept -- I had almost lost my sight.

I long for His return. I feel like I have suffered from over-exposure; I am battered, my vision is no longer clear, and I have struggled to trust and hold on to the promises I cannot often see. Yet I suppose this is what waiting and faith are truly about: hanging on. The mirage I saw in the desert was reality and I can begin again, for I know Whose I am:

Out of the stump of David’s family will grow a shoot—
yes, a new Branch bearing fruit from the old root.
And the Spirit of the Lord will rest on him—
the Spirit of wisdom and understanding,
the Spirit of counsel and might,
the Spirit of knowledge and the fear of the Lord.
He will delight in obeying the Lord.
He will not judge by appearance
nor make a decision based on hearsay.
He will give justice to the poor
and make fair decisions for the exploited.
The earth will shake at the force of his word,
and one breath from his mouth will destroy the wicked.
He will wear righteousness like a belt
and truth like an undergarment.
~Isaiah 11:1-3

So let us stop going over the basic teachings about Christ again and again. Let us go on instead and become mature in our understanding. Surely we don’t need to start again with the fundamental importance of repenting from evil deeds and placing our faith in God. You don’t need further instruction about baptisms, the laying on of hands, the resurrection of the dead, and eternal judgment. And so, God willing, we will move forward to further understanding.

For it is impossible to bring back to repentance those who were once enlightened—those who have experienced the good things of heaven and shared in the Holy Spirit, who have tasted the goodness of the word of God and the power of the age to come— and who then turn away from God. It is impossible to bring such people back to repentance; by rejecting the Son of God, they themselves are nailing him to the cross once again and holding him up to public shame.

When the ground soaks up the falling rain and bears a good crop for the farmer, it has God’s blessing. But if a field bears thorns and thistles, it is useless. The farmer will soon condemn that field and burn it.

Dear friends, even though we are talking this way, we really don’t believe it applies to you. We are confident that you are meant for better things, things that come with salvation. For God is not unjust. He will not forget how hard you have worked for him and how you have shown your love to him by caring for other believers, as you still do. Our great desire is that you will keep on loving others as long as life lasts, in order to make certain that what you hope for will come true. Then you will not become spiritually dull and indifferent. Instead, you will follow the example of those who are going to inherit God’s promises because of their faith and endurance.

~Hebrews 6:1-12

The good news: He is coming back. HE IS COMING BACK, and Christmas will remind us. The story of redemption is true. We must remember, and remind ourselves of our inheritance. We are not stuck in hell; rather, we are the Kingdom.

See how very much our Father loves us, for he calls us his children, and that is what we are! But the people who belong to this world don’t recognize that we are God’s children because they don’t know him. Dear friends, we are already God’s children, but he has not yet shown us what we will be like when Christ appears. But we do know that we will be like him, for we will see him as he really is.
~1 John 3:1-2

Now we see things imperfectly as in a cloudy mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.
~1 Corinthians 13:12

Come, Lord Jesus!

May the peace of Christ be with you, as we await His glorious return. May He come quickly.

The Road Not Taken
by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I -
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

He is risen!

Holy Words

One of my frequent prayers is the end of Psalm 19:
"Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer."

This is one of my greatest struggles. It is when I open my mouth that I find out just how base I truly am. And the meditation of my heart -- ...whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. I fall quite short of that.

Words are tricky. I have heard on several occasions over the past few weeks the importance of God's words, and how we so frequently trade them for words from another source. And of course once that happens, then our trials begin.

And so my prayer remains:
"Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer."

The Shadow of God's Hand

The great teachings unanimously emphasize that all the peace, wisdom, and joy in the universe are already within us; we don't have to gain, develop, or attain them. We're like a child standing in a beautiful park with his eyes shut tight. We don't need to imagine trees, flowers, deer, birds, and sky; we merely need to open our eyes and realize what is already here, who we really are -- as soon as we quit pretending we're small or unholy. ~ Unknown

"Listen to me, you who pursue righteousness and who seek the LORD : My righteousness draws near speedily, my salvation is on the way, and my arm will bring justice to the nations. The islands will look to me and wait in hope for my arm.

Lift up your eyes to the heavens, look at the earth beneath; the heavens will vanish like smoke, the earth will wear out like a garment and its inhabitants die like flies. But my salvation will last forever, my righteousness will never fail.

Hear me, you who know what is right, you people who have my law in your hearts: Do not fear the reproach of men or be terrified by their insults. For the moth will eat them up like a garment; the worm will devour them like wool. But my righteousness will last forever, my salvation through all generations.

I, even I, am he who comforts you. Who are you that you fear mortal men, the sons of men, who are but grass, that you forget the LORD your Maker, who stretched out the heavens and laid the foundations of the earth, that you live in constant terror every day because of the wrath of the oppressor, who is bent on destruction? For where is the wrath of the oppressor? The cowering prisoners will soon be set free; they will not die in their dungeon, nor will they lack bread.

For I am the LORD your God, who churns up the sea so that its waves roar— the LORD Almighty is his name. I have put my words in your mouth and covered you with the shadow of my hand— I who set the heavens in place, who laid the foundations of the earth, and who say to Zion, 'You are my people.' "

From Isaiah 51:1-16

Wisdom and Joy

Trials are a blessing, much like discipline.

I have an ongoing test of faith, relating to an incurable illness in my young son. I hate it, and I would trade it for his health any day. And then I realize how much of a blessing this struggle has been --

Because of our child's illness, my husband has come to know Christ. All of my children have grown close and protective of each other. I see the creativity in my son which is probably due to his illness. My knees have grown calloused, and my heart has grown tender. I have drawn closer to my Father.

I would not trade these blessings, though they are wrapped in difficulty. Praise God, from Whom all blessings flow.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.

The brother in humble circumstances ought to take pride in his high position. But the one who is rich should take pride in his low position, because he will pass away like a wild flower. For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich man will fade away even while he goes about his business.

Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

~James 1:2-11

Discipline

If you look up discipline in Wikipedia, it says the following:

In its most general sense, discipline refers to systematic instruction given to a disciple. This sense also preserves the origin of the word, which is Latin disciplina "instruction", from the root discere "to learn," and from which discipulus "disciple, pupil" also derives.

To discipline thus means to instruct a person or animal to follow a particular code of conduct, or to adhere to a certain "order." Consequently, "in the field of child development, discipline refers to methods of modeling character and of teaching self-control and acceptable behavior." So for example, to discipline a child to wash her/his hands before meals. Here, 'washing hands before meals' is a particular pattern of behaviour, and the child is being disciplined to adopt that pattern.

The day after Ash Wednesday, I have set a goal to strengthen my discipline. I hope to make room for the Father's instruction: to hear it and learn to follow it. And the outcome? Holiness.

Heavenly Father, help me to submit to discipline. You control my days and my nights, and I pray that You will order my chaos and teach me to live by patterns that honor You. Guide my actions that I may learn self-control, and that I may fully live in the richness of following Christ. Let Your Spirit strengthen me as I walk this path. Amen.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne. Think of all the hostility he endured from sinful people; then you won’t become weary and give up. After all, you have not yet given your lives in your struggle against sin.

And have you forgotten the encouraging words God spoke to you as his children? He said, “My child, don’t make light of the Lord’s discipline, and don’t give up when he corrects you. For the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes each one he accepts as his child.”

As you endure this divine discipline, remember that God is treating you as his own children. Who ever heard of a child who is never disciplined by its father? If God doesn’t discipline you as he does all of his children, it means that you are illegitimate and are not really his children at all. Since we respected our earthly fathers who disciplined us, shouldn’t we submit even more to the discipline of the Father of our spirits, and live forever?

For our earthly fathers disciplined us for a few years, doing the best they knew how. But God’s discipline is always good for us, so that we might share in his holiness. No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way.

So take a new grip with your tired hands and strengthen your weak knees. Mark out a straight path for your feet so that those who are weak and lame will not fall but become strong.

~Hebrews 12:1-12

Mercy triumphs over justice.

Remember that you are dust, and to dust you shall return.

The ashes of my life have been redeemed, for mercy has triumphed over justice. God, in his infinite love, has fulfilled the demands of justice Himself, and mercifully offered Himself to take my place in paying the consequence for my actions.

And what can I do in return for this mercy? I can live in it. I can accept it for the free gift that it is, and honor the One who gave it.

So, as I enter into this period of fasting, I will temper it with feasting. I will fast from self-gratification, and I will feast in spiritual discipline. I will fast from the things of this life, and I will feast on the things of God.

Have mercy on me, O God, because of your unfailing love. Because of your great compassion, blot out the stain of my sins. Wash me clean from my guilt. Purify me from my sin. For I recognize my rebellion; it haunts me day and night. Against you, and you alone, have I sinned; I have done what is evil in your sight. You will be proved right in what you say, and your judgment against me is just. For I was born a sinner— yes, from the moment my mother conceived me. But you desire honesty from the womb, teaching me wisdom even there.

Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. Oh, give me back my joy again; you have broken me— now let me rejoice. Don’t keep looking at my sins. Remove the stain of my guilt. Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a loyal spirit within me. Do not banish me from your presence, and don’t take your Holy Spirit from me.

Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and make me willing to obey you. Then I will teach your ways to rebels, and they will return to you. Forgive me for shedding blood, O God who saves; then I will joyfully sing of your forgiveness. Unseal my lips, O Lord, that my mouth may praise you.

You do not desire a sacrifice, or I would offer one. You do not want a burnt offering. The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.

~Psalm 51:1-17

Transfiguration

For many years, I have read about and understood the transfiguration to relate symbolically to a mountain-top experience. This view gave me something to strive for, and a goal to attain. It was almost as if my faith could be measured by the quality and quantity of mountains I climbed on my spiritual journey. The more I climbed, and the higher they were, the closer I could get to God. It was my own personal Tower of Babel, in spiritual mountain form.

Mountain-top experiences are no longer attractive to me, for a variety of reasons. Perhaps that sounds cynical, but I think that transfiguration ushering in the kingdom of God is far better. For one thing, it lasts longer, and touches more people. For another, a mountain-top experience by definition requires a long trudge through the valley, and an often difficult climb up to the summit. Once you have reached the peak, you stay for a short while to enjoy the view, but you generally head back down before it gets dark. The trip back down is somewhat anti-climactic. And honestly, that trek is a lot of work for only a little pay-off.

Transfiguration is different; it involves change. It is like a preview of glory, lived out in the here and now. The transfiguration of Jesus must have been truly spectacular. But then, whenever you are at the intersection of heaven and earth, the view is spectacular.

I have a theory that transfiguration can occur at any time, in any place, and in any one. If I keep my eyes open, maybe I will see one. Or, even better, if I keep my heart and soul open I can be invited to one, just like Peter, James, and John. Perhaps it might even be my own, if I remain open to it, and close enough to the intersection of heaven and earth. And realistically, that intersection is wherever I might happen to call upon the Lord, so it could be anywhere and at anytime.

Transfiguration is a beautiful way to close out the season of Epiphany -- it gives me hope. And just in time, because I will need that vision as I enter into 40 days of soul-searching. God has been revealed.

Wholeness

Sometimes it is hard to know when you are sick. For those of us who suffer from allergies, the symptoms of allergies can often mimic the symptoms of a cold. Either way, the result is the same: you feel crummy. Same thing with skin maladies -- you just feel crummy when your body is not in total health.

You want wholeness.

Sometimes it is hard to take your medicine. Naaman had trouble following the instruction of the healer. Who wants to wash seven times in a cold, nasty river? And Jesus' leper likewise had trouble following instructions. The hardest part for him was presenting himself to the priests, because it probably meant an uncomfortable confrontation.

Wanting wholeness is not always easy.

Paul exhorts us to train for wholeness. The trouble with training is that it makes you sore. No pain, no gain.

Illness is an opportunity for healing. I want wholeness, and all that is implied in the theology of wholeness, if it fits me to serve.

Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.

Joy Comes in the Morning

We buried my grandmother today.

My heart is a little heavy as I look to the scriptures this week. And then I find Psalm 30:
Sing praises to the LORD, O you his saints,
and give thanks to his holy name.
For his anger is but for a moment,
and his favor is for a lifetime.
Weeping may tarry for the night,
but joy comes with the morning.

God be praised.

Praise the LORD! For it is good to sing praises to our God; for it is pleasant, and a song of praise is fitting. The LORD builds up Jerusalem; he gathers the outcasts of Israel. He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. He determines the number of the stars; he gives to all of them their names. Great is our Lord, and abundant in power; his understanding is beyond measure. The LORD lifts up the humble; he casts the wicked to the ground.

Sing to the LORD with thanksgiving; make melody to our God on the lyre! He covers the heavens with clouds; he prepares rain for the earth; he makes grass grow on the hills. He gives to the beasts their food, and to the young ravens that cry. His delight is not in the strength of the horse, nor his pleasure in the legs of a man, but the LORD takes pleasure in those who fear him, in those who hope in his steadfast love.

Praise the LORD, O Jerusalem! Praise your God, O Zion! For he strengthens the bars of your gates; he blesses your children within you. He makes peace in your borders; he fills you with the finest of the wheat. He sends out his command to the earth; his word runs swiftly. He gives snow like wool; he scatters hoarfrost like ashes. He hurls down his crystals of ice like crumbs; who can stand before his cold? He sends out his word, and melts them; he makes his wind blow and the waters flow. He declares his word to Jacob, his statutes and rules to Israel. He has not dealt thus with any other nation; they do not know his rules. Praise the LORD!

Demons

Last week's scriptures were difficult for me. I struggled with the story in Mark 1:21-28; it touches a nerve in me, and makes me uncomfortable.

This week, I am still wrestling with the scriptures from last week. Hoping that I could just ignore them and avoid my discomfort, I have decided to plow into this week's scriptures. Trouble is, I find that the scriptures for this week do nothing to assuage my angst, but only add to it. So be it -- I will continue to wrestle with them all.

One of my biggest struggles is the way Jesus dealt with the demons, and the way they pay homage to Him. The Psalm from last week (Psalm 111) is such a wonderful praise, and so very uplifting. Verse 10 encourages us to get close to God, and to fear and respect Him for everything stated in verses 1-9. "Fear of the Lord is the foundation of true wisdom. All who obey his commandments will grow in wisdom." I love that statement -- I lean on that when I wrestle with God and His sovereignty.

And then I read in Mark, "Suddenly, a man in the synagogue who was possessed by an evil spirit began shouting, “Why are you interfering with us, Jesus of Nazareth? Have you come to destroy us? I know who you are—the Holy One sent from God!”

This demon is afraid of Jesus, because of who He is. What does this mean, in light of Psalm 111? "Fear of the Lord is the foundation of true wisdom. All who obey his commandments will grow in wisdom."

Clearly, the demons know more about Jesus than most of us, since they recognized Him on the spot. They fear and respect Him for His power and position, which frankly I often do not do (much as I think I do). Does this make the demons wise? What does that make me?

This week's scriptures continue with this point, particularly in Mark 1:34: "So Jesus healed many people who were sick with various diseases, and he cast out many demons. But because the demons knew who he was, he did not allow them to speak."

The demons know and recognize Him; I struggle with this, since I do not always recognize Him.

Mercy

I think I can identify entirely too much with Jonah. His whole demeanor was one of rebellious obedience. He fought that trip to Nineveh the entire way, from the calling to the time he waited under the leaf for the city to be consumed. He did what God told him to do, and he made sure God knew that he was only doing it for God's sake.

The amazing thing is that the people of Nineveh were convicted, in spite of Jonah. I can almost see and hear him spitting out his words of disdain throughout the city, about how the people were doomed to destruction because they were so horrible. "Your destruction is coming, and good riddance. God finally wised up, and you are so gonna get it now. Oh, and by the way, He might change His mind, if you repent, but don't count on it, 'cause you don't deserve it."

And then he goes and sits under his leaf, and thinks, "This is gonna be good. OK, God. I get it. You brought me here for a good show, and they totally deserve it! Sorry I was so disagreeable earlier -- I wouldn't want to miss this! Wipe 'em out Egyptian style!"

I struggle with rebellious obedience. Yeah, I do what God says, but often under duress. OK, GOD, I'LL DO IT, BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT THIS WAS NOT MY IDEA, AND IT IS NOT HOW I THINK THINGS SHOULD BE DONE. WHY DON'T YOU JUST SHOW YOUR MIGHT AND GET ON WITH IT? BUT SINCE YOU ARE GOD, I GUESS I WILL DO IT YOUR WAY THIS TIME. BUT I HAD BETTER SEE SOMETHING GOOD COME OUT OF IT!

How incredibly arrogant; how wretched I am. As if I have a clue about what is happening in my own world, much less anything bigger. Only the King of the Universe, the Creator all things, knows the complexities of the human condition.

And amazingly, redemption still occurs, in spite of it all.

Holy Father, forgive me for my arrogance and my blatant disregard for others. Build love within me, that I may not be critical, but instead merciful. Teach me to be merciful. Let Your Kingdom continue to spread, in spite of my best efforts and my worst failures. Your gift of love is beyond my comprehension -- thank You, Lord Jesus, for Your sacrifice of mercy. Holy Spirit, live within me that I may grow to be a daughter of willing obedience and full discipleship, showing the mercy I have been given. In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Spirit, Amen.

Image courtesy of http://www.stonesoupmusic.org/soup_art3.htm and http://www.christiancollages.com.

Discipline and Discipleship

Discipleship is hard.

We know that Jonah struggled with it, since God had to chase him down in a rather dramatic fashion. God called him twice, and the second time he answered. Peter, Andrew, James, and John answered the first call, when Jesus came 'round and beckoned them to follow, but I seriously doubt they found discipleship to be easy.

I suppose that if discipleship were easy, there would be no need for discipline. If I decide to follow Jesus for today only, then why bother with discipline? But if my decision is to follow Him every day, then that requires more effort. I wonder how many times Peter, Andrew, James, and John thought about going back to the security of their nets.

Discipline seems to be one of the keys to discipleship. Daily, I put my face to the ground and I pray for the strength and humility needed to follow Jesus. Daily, I must decide to work on my relationship with God. And as I pray for humility, God answers my prayer and humbles me, usually gently, but never without pain. I often find myself swallowed whole, like Jonah, because of my lack of discipline. And when I am swallowed whole, I discover that my only chance of escape is: discipline.

Paul tells the Corinthians that time is short; he is right, because it will take a long time to learn to live a life of discipline, to gain the courage to be a disciple. Frankly, I need as much time as I can get to learn how to do it.

So I will pray, I will fast, I will give and serve, I will keep silence, and I will learn and grow. I will follow Jesus, going where He leads, no matter what the cost. Otherwise, I may as well return to the nets, or allow myself to be digested, and what kind of life is that?

"The spiritual life is first of all a life. It is not merely something to be known and studied, it is to be lived." -Thomas Merton, from "Thoughts in Solitude"

Following...

"Come, follow me..."

For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence,
for my hope is from him.
He only is my rock and my salvation,
my fortress; I shall not be shaken.
On God rests my salvation and my glory;
my mighty rock, my refuge is God.
Trust in him at all times, O people;
pour out your heart before him;
God is a refuge for us.

Called to Relationship

As I have read and studied these passages this week, I am struck by the calling. Clearly, all four passages relate to being called in some fashion. What strikes me is that in all four passages, the calling is the same. In all of these scriptures, the calling is to relationship with God.

"Speak, for your servant is listening." Samuel, young as he was, did not know the voice of God. Three times he made the mistake of thinking Eli was calling him (I am not certain Eli knew the voice of God either). I have always thought that in this passage Samuel was being called into the Lord's service; however, God did not give Samuel anything to do. Instead, God tells Samuel about His plans. He talks with Samuel, and even vents some of His frustration about Eli. Samuel has been called into a relationship.

Being called into relationship really makes sense in the Psalm passage. The Psalmist speaks of being known on a deeply intimate level, which frankly would be difficult without a relationship. To be known so well without relationship would be horrible; the result would be an Orwellian kind of hell. Yet that is not at all what the Psalmist describes, because he speaks of the give and take of relationship, both being known and knowing the thoughts of God, as in verse 17: How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast the sum of them!

John likewise talks about relationship. Nathanael has jumped to conclusions about Jesus, but Phillip invites him to set his assumptions aside and find out first hand who Jesus is. Nathanael is invited into relationship, and he accepts the offer to find out the truth for himself rather than operate on assumptions. He immediately finds out that his assumptions were wrong. Hmmmm -- how often does that happen?

The Corinthians seem to have missed this whole idea of relationship altogether. The attitude of 'doing what I want to do when I want to do it' makes for unhealthy relationships. Instead, if a relationship with God is fostered, then food or sex or [insert your favorite vice here] becomes a way to honor God, and improve your relationship with Him. The spiritual disciplines are evidence of this.

We are all called to a relationship, not to anything less. Praise be to God.

Who Am I?

Who Am I? by Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Who am I? They often tell me I stepped from my cell’s confinement calmly, cheerfully, firmly, like a squire from his country-house.

Who am I? They often tell me I used to speak to my warders freely and friendly and clearly, as though it were mine to command.

Who am I? They also tell me I bore the days of misfortune equally, smilingly, proudly, like one accustomed to win.

Am I then really all that which other men tell of? Or am I only what I myself know of myself?

Restless and longing and sick, like a bird in a cage, struggling for breath, as though hands were compressing my throat, yearning for colors, for flowers, for the voices of birds, thirsting for words of kindness, for neighborliness, tossing in expectation of great events, powerlessly trembling for friends at an infinite distance, weary and empty at praying, at thinking, at making, faint, and ready to say farewell to it all?

Who am I? This or the other? Am I one person today and tomorrow another? Am I both at once? A hypocrite before others, and before myself a contemptibly woebegone weakling? Or is something within me still like a beaten army, fleeing in disorder from victory already achieved?

Who am I? They mock me, these lonely questions of mine.

Whoever I am, Thou knowest, 0 God, I am Thine!

March 4,1946

Dietrich Bonhoeffer, a young theologian of great promise, was hanged on April 9, 1945, by the Nazis for his participation in a plot against the life of Adolf Hitler. He was 39 years old. His last act was to lead and share in a liturgy of com-munion with his fellow prisoners. His last words were: "This is the end, for me the beginning of life."

O LORD, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O LORD, you know it altogether. You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it.

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I would count them, they are more than the sand. I awake, and I am still with you.

Psalm 139:1-6, 13-18

Worship Ideas for this Sunday

GATHERED TO WORSHIP
Call to Worship:

Praise the Lord! O Heavens
All Creatures of Our God and King

Scripture Reading: Genesis 1:1-5

Here I Am to Worship
Shine, Jesus, Shine

Prayer: Christ, You have been made manifest as the true light of God. Let Your Spirit live in us; fill our hearts with the joy of your glory; call us by name on the great day of Your coming; give us grace to offer unending praise with all of heaven to the Father in whom all things find their ending, now and forever. Amen. (adapted from Praise God: Common Prayer at Taizé)

Scripture Reading: Mark 1:4-11

What the Lord Has Done In Me

GATHERED TO HEAR THE WORD
Prayer of Illumination: Guide us, O God, by your Word and Spirit, that in your light we may see light, in your truth find freedom, and in your will discover your peace. Open our minds, that as the Scriptures are read and your Word is proclaimed, we may be led into your truth and taught your will, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Scripture Reading: Acts 19:1-7

Service of the Word

Grace Like Rain

RESPONSE TO THE WORD
Prayer of Confession and Assurance of Pardon: Healing Grace

Offertory:
Doxology

Gathered at the Table:
Prayer of Consecration

SENT OUT TO SERVE
Scripture Reading: Psalm 29

Heaven Torn Open

In those days Jesus came from Nazareth of Galilee and was baptized by John in the Jordan. And when he came up out of the water, immediately he saw the heavens being torn open and the Spirit descending on him like a dove. And a voice came from heaven, "You are my beloved Son; with you I am well pleased."

It is interesting that the heavens were torn open at the beginning of Jesus' ministry, and not at His birth. Instead, at His baptism, God very publicly affirms the identity of Jesus with the heavens being torn open, the voice from heaven, and the Holy Spirit descending. Later, we are told that the veil of the temple was torn from top to bottom when when He died (Mark 15:38). The separation between God and man opened twice in the New Testament: once when Jesus began His ministry, and again when He finished it. So it was not Jesus' birth that made the biggest God-impact on this world, but His re-birth.

And we know from Acts 19:1-7 that the same is true for us:
And it happened that while Apollos was at Corinth, Paul ... came to Ephesus. There he found some disciples. And he said to them, "Did you receive the Holy Spirit when you believed?" And they said, "No, we have not even heard that there is a Holy Spirit." And he said, "Into what then were you baptized?" They said, "Into John’s baptism." And Paul said, "John baptized with the baptism of repentance, telling the people to believe in the one who was to come after him, that is, Jesus." On hearing this, they were baptized in the name of the Lord Jesus. And when Paul had laid his hands on them, the Holy Spirit came on them, and they began speaking in tongues and prophesying....

Praise be to God.

Symmetry

There is such a symmetry in the texts for this week. We have just read and celebrated the Epiphany, about God's revealing Himself to the Gentiles. Now we are swept up in the story of the creation and Jesus' baptism. I love the images of water that are so prevalent in all of these readings.

I look at these scriptures and I recall my own baptismal vows. I was baptized on June 27, 1982. It was exactly one week before my twelfth birthday, and I went forward to the song Just As I Am. My twin sister also came forward, and we took the plunge together. I remember Harvey Porter, our peacher, and his Texas twang as he asked, "Do you believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of the living God?"

"I do."

"Leslie, I know you do, and with that good confession, I now baptize you in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, for the remission of your sins."

I was not given, nor was I offered, the gift of the Holy Spirit. In my faith tradition, we struggled with the Holy Spirit, and we viewed the Holy Spirit as a tool God gave only for the purpose of growing the first century church. That, and the baptism of Jesus, of course.

Although I was in the presence of the Holy Spirit several times in the years following my baptism, He did not come upon me until much later in my life. When I had an openness in my life for the Holy Spirit, He came. I cannot say exactly when that was -- it was a gradual indwelling, or else it was so quiet that I did not notice.

But the Holy Spirit is definitely around these days, and I cannot imagine life any other way. That may sound strange, but I remember the darkness before, and even though life is still every bit as hard, His Truth is always present with me. I chose to die to myself on June 27, 1982, and I think maybe I finally understand what I chose. I chose to be a daughter of the King, and to walk with the strength of the Holy Spirit in this world. And I would choose it again. When I fully die to myself, then I can live up to my baptism. Maybe I will live long enough to see that.

Just as I am!
Thou wilt receive, wilt welcome, pardon, cleanse relieve;
Because Thy promise I believe,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come!

We All Bow Down

Princes and paupers, sons and daughters
Kneel at the throne of grace.
Loses and winners, saints and sinners
One day we'll see His face.

Summer and winter, the mountains and the rivers
Whisper the Savior's name.
Awesome and holy, a friend to the lonely,
Forever His love will reign.

And we all bow down
Kings will surrender their crowns and worship Jesus.
For He is the love, unfailing love,
He is the love of God.

He's the light of the world, and Lord of the cross.

by Lenny LeBlanc, copyright 2002 Integrity's Hosanna! Music

Epiphany

I wondered as I went to bed last night how I could make today meaningful. How could it be different? I love the idea of Epiphany, and I wanted to see God revealed in a big way.

Today is the observance of Epiphany. God is revealed.

I woke up with a splitting headache, to the sound of my youngest daughter screaming at her brother, at the top of her lungs, "WAKE UP!!!" The very next sound: laughter.

God is revealed.

Be Thou my vision, O Lord of my heart,
Naught be all else to me, save that thou art;
Thou my best thought by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my wisdom, be Thou my true word,
Thou ever with me, and I with Thee Lord;
Thou my great Father, and I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Be Thou my breastplate, my sword for the fight;
Thou my whole armor, be Thou my true might;
Thou my soul's shelter, be Thou my strong tow'r:
Raise Thou me heavenward, great Pow'r of my pow'r.

Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise:
Thou mine inheritance now and always;
Thou and Thou only the first in my heart;
High King of heaven, my treasure Thou art.

High King of heaven, Thou heaven's bright sun,
Grant me its joys after vict'ry is won;
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be Thou my vision, O Ruler of all.

Ancient Irish Hymn, possibly from the 8th century

One of the beautiful things about the Christian calendar is its linear nature. Yes, it is cyclical, but it is cyclical in the sense that it is spiraling toward a glorious end. The nature of Advent attests to this; it is not a beginning, but rather a renewal of waiting. I find it interesting that we renew each Christian year with anticipation. Thus at the beginning of Advent, we begin to wait. At Christmastide, we commemorate the birth of Him for Whom we are waiting, a wonderful celebration lasting twelve days. The end of Christmastide is marked by Epiphany.

Epiphany: the Christ is finally revealed to the Gentiles. Of course, He was revealed to the Jews first. Simeon and Anna were quick to recognize His true identity. However, as a Gentile, I find Epiphany particularly resonant, as it brings with it many contrasting elements. The Magi, non-Jewish scholars who desire to worship the Christ, contrast starkly with King Herod, the ruler of the Jews, who desires to kill the Christ. The revelation of the Prince of Peace to non-Jews ushers in a slaughtering of infant Jewish sons. Epiphany reveals God, created in and among His own creation, to be brutally slain by those He created. And after that brutal slaying, the crushing darkness of death is forever shattered by the light of resurrection.

Thanks be to God for His inexpressible gift!

Images: Adoration of the Magi, by Bartolomé Estéban Murillo (1618-1682) and Massacre of the Innocents, by Peter Paul Rubens (1577-1640)

I am not a scholar; I am not a writer. Still, I find myself compelled to write about the weekly Revised Common Lectionary texts. Perhaps it is because I did not grow up with the Lectionary, and therefore it holds magic for me. And I do find the Lectionary magical, as the texts put forth are always appropriate, no matter what the circumstances that week might happen to be. I once met someone who is a member of the Consultation on Common Texts (CCT), and he is a God-fearing man. It later occurred to me that a whole panel of God-fearing people striving to promote Christian unity and solidarity is truly a gift from God -- I am grateful for their work and their spirit.

This is a means of accountability for me, as I strive to live my life according to a Biblical rhythm, as opposed to any other rhythm.